The warty toad inspected his feet with disbelief.
"Here now!" he exclaimed. "What's happened to me?"
"You're a toad," the other toad replied. "And I'd wager a fat bug that you were a publisher, weren't you?"
"Yes, yes, of course I'm a publisher," the first toad replied, puffing himself up a bit. "Very distinguished house - general non-fiction, the occasional best-seller, of literary merit of course, and even some scholarly works of a wide interest." He puffed up a little more.
"Quite so," the other toad said thoughtfully. "And perhaps you've also published a New Age book or two?"
"Umph, yes, you're quite right. But under a separate imprint, of course. After all, we are a reputable house. However, one can't ignore the sales figures these days. Incredible market. I don't know where all those New Age airheads get the money to buy books, but they certainly do."
"Indeed, indeed. And did you perhaps publish a book by someone calling herself a witch?"
"Yuss, yuss. The *sales* figures on that last one by wasshername - well, one must keep the accounting department happy, mustn't one?" He deflated slightly, then resolutely puffed himself up again, thinking of his latest bestseller by that scientific fellow.
"I suppose you had to, um, 'edit' the witch's book quite a bit, too," the other toad trailed off in almost a questioning tone. "I don't suppose she had any idea of the requirements of the modern publishing industry?
"Of course I did. I changed all her references to her so-called 'horned god' to the 'devil'. I calculate that if we get one good book burning or riot by one of these fanatical Christian groups, it will be worth a ton of advertising."
"Ah, yes, and what else?"
"Oh, I edited out all that boring rubbish about meditation and so-called self-development, and I, um, jazzed up the group scenes with a little sex - nothing too explicit, you know - nothing really very tasteless."
"Did she object to any of this?"
"The silly woman made quite a fuss, even threatened me, but I was perfectly within my rights. She should have read the fine print in the contract more closely. I had half a mind to cancel publication, but the designer had come up with this great cover with a bunch of naked women, black cats, and devils dancing on a bright red background. It'll sell a million copies, if I'm any judge. But was she grateful? Not at all! I thought she'd have a fit. Threatened me with all sorts of absurdities. I don't think she's playing her Tarot cards with a full deck, har, har!"
"And now you're a toad. I wonder how that happened?"
"But I can't be a toad - I'm a publisher!"
"So? Who isn't?" The other toad shrugged and hopped away.